ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
