he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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