hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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