That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I deserve this hangover.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
