I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
