Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
