oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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