I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
