What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
