he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
