the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
