My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
