We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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