i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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