In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
