Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
