I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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