One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
