Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
