Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
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