I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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