I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
