What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
