I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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