I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
