Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
