Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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