I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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