Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
