Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
