Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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