No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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