youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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