the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
