We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Randomize
