Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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