I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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