Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
