Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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