i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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