A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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