I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
