I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
