You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
