i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He better not be in your backpack
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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