I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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