why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize