Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
