You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
