Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I would ride that face into the sunset
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
