All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
