this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
