I can feel you judging me through the phone.
ugly people sure do ruin things
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
