3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
