I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
