I could have mohawked her pubes.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
