his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
