I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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