umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
