I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
