i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
