cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
