I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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