did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Houston, we have a blender
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
