I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
