He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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